The Perils of Living Near a College.. During Halloween

I work a shift job, which means I work from 3-11 PM. I always work weekends. This means that I have no time to go out and have fun on major drunken holidays like St. Patrick's Day, Cinco de Drinko and Halloween. I have a cold. I am really fucking sick right now. No Joke. I got off work today, and went to my regular bar. There is a bartender there that I am in love with. I don't usually have to pay for my liquor because I flirt with her. Tonight was no exception, I got a free hot toddy because I was sick. It was nice.. then I staggered to my bus.  I got on the bus that takes me home.. it also takes me through the University of Washington. Downtown, there were a few people in costume who came on the bus. However, we hit the Ave and.. THIS FUCKING FREAK SHOW HAPPENED!

I am not sure that you can tell, but there are like 15 people crammed in the front of the fucking bus!!!!!!

This is me fucking sick and really tired. And everyone behind me is a douchey fecal monster.

This is a map of where I am, where they were and how one is supposed to move when getting on a bus. Notice the highest concentration of human fecal monsters is in the front of the bus.

Anyways, it was rediculous, ever stop in the U-District was like wave after wave of drunk, horny, retard. THEY WERE ALL WEARING STUPID FUCKING COSTUMES!!!!

Some guy during this whole thing moved into the area I was sitting, and shoved his fucking ass in my face while stomping on my foot repeatedly while he talked to the bitch in front of me. I asked him to move and he called me a dumb whore. It was super classy.

This is what it looked like while they left..

This was the first part..

In the end.. it was me and 3 relatively cool people who were left. The video cutoff but at the end I expressed my urge to fucking die.

Yub Nub

Ewoks!



ewoks!



Ewoks!



EwOkS!

I feel like I just found out Santa Claus didn't exist.

I really love Halloween .I love it. I love costumes, I love candy, I love scary movies, I love pumpkins, I love it. However, I have noticed that , I do not have enough people in my life who like it as much as I do. The other thing is that, I think that I forget that people who celebrate Halloween at places like work, did not have the theatrical/drag queen/cosplay/costuming background that I do.

This means that a) I will work really hard on my costume, agonize over how to do the make up, figure out how to get the hair right and have the right props b) the other people will buy a shitty costume from the store, slap on some white face paint and blood or green face and blood, go as a "vampire" whatever the fuck the costume is or a "zombie" whatever the fuck the costume is.  and then c) everyone will think that I am stupid or crazy because they don't understand my awesome costume and think that the idiot who dressed up as "Zombie Where is Waldo" or " Vampire Sumo Wrestler Pirate" is AMAZING.

Look at how rad my costume was!

I really had SEVERAL conversations at the company Halloween party that went like this.

Person: Oh, What are you supposed to be?
Me: I am a comic. ( holds up text bubble)
Person:... uh.. I don't know what you mean.. like a comedian?
Me: No, like a comic ...strip.
Person:.....
Me: Like in the newspaper
Person: Uh, you look cute? * weird look on their face like I am crazy
Me: * A small part of me dies.

I know that I shouldn't be too upset about this, however I also feel like the lowest common denominator of human is fucking retarded. Also, if I had come to work in one of those "sexy" costumes, and then put on green face paint with blood.. I would have had people laughing.. but not in the way that I would think was funny. I know that if I said "I am a Zombie Stripper" they would not have found that shit funny. I would have gotten a blank stair. However, If I had said, " I am a Zombie Sexy Indian" not only would they get it but they wouldn't even think twice on how racist it is. 

Then there is the whole, when you are an adult, you better have a house and kids to enjoy Halloween, or be unattached and drunk. Because there is no married, apartment dwelling 25 years I know of who actually have a good time on this night. You and your spouse go through all of the hassle to find a cool couples costume, but where do you where it to? Do go to a party? Maybe. However, more often than not, I think that you just stay home wishing that you were 21 and at a night club dancing to bad music in a "Sexy" costume with your girlfriends. 

Please tell me I am jaded.. I am kind of at the point where I feel like listening to Morrisey and dieing.

Oh mans!

Hello Kids,

I am not as ill as I was yesterday. NyQuil is the bomb. Today is an odd day. My dear friend who also works at the place where I fight crime is having a day. She said that she woke up with " a song in her heart and eagles wings!" however she put a bag of lettuce away and SCRATCHED HER EYE!!!! She ran back to my office and made me LOOK AT HER EYEBALL! My manager came into my office to give me a break and thought that we were on crack. I am pretty sure she scratched her eyeball. So, then she got permission to go home today and go to the eye doctor. As she was waiting for the bus.. her nose started to bleed. It was a serious FML moment for her. I thought I would share her misery with you.. also a doodle.

**** UPDATE***
My friend got sand in her eye... eww! It scratched ALL OF HER EYEBALL!!!! The cornea, the white part, the inner lid. She has to wear an eye-patch. MUHAHAHAHAH!!

Two very interesting articles with uses of charts/diagrams. How to explain the internet to Oliver Twist! and How Texans see ethnic food!

There are appropriate ways to handle a cobra and then there are less wise ways. Read this article about what happens when one drinks and plays with poisonous snakes!

My father is like this guy.. mmmuurrrrrdddeeeeerrrr the pumpkin!

Did you know that Christine O'Donnell the Tea Party candidate who thinks that masturbation should be illegal and that had a date on a satanic alter in college.. is the daughter of Bozo the Clown.. THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!!!

Oh, god I feel like shit!

So, I think that I am starting to have a head cold. I believe this to be true because I woke up this morning at 3 AM with a pounding headache, sore throat and congestion. This would not surprise me since everyone I know has been sick. Oh well, I guess I will just have to take DayQuil and feel pukey.

Do you know how to spot your evil twin? Besides, you know the awesome goatee they are sporting and the cool leather jacket they usually wear? Well, here look at this article and flow chart.

Hey look! I am a douchey douche douchebag.

Are you kidding me? Pregorexia? Really!?

Buy me this!

Are you kidding me? He said orgasm on accident? Really!?

Hey America, you are a bunch of drug addicts, you should quit bitching about Mexican drug cartels and stop doing drugs!

This beverage is not new. I used to use this type of beverage during high school when I would go to house parties. We used it to make something called the Spaksorossiwiser. 1 part Sparks alcoholic energy drink ( in orange), 1 part Carlo Rossi Jugged Wine ( Blush or Rose) and then 2 parts Bud or Bud Light. It tasted like a Sweet Tart!

Apparently, Keith Richard's mom was a fucking cunt bag who killed every pet he owned. Also, he is scared of teenage girls. 

When this lawsuit eventually becomes a movie, much along the lines of Mr. Smith Goes To Washington, who wants to see it with be drunk?

There's an app to find child molesters. FYI, they give out the best candy.

SPACE IS RAD! SPACE STATIONS ARE RAD! SPACE JUNK IS RAD! HELP MY CAPS LOCKS IS STUCK!


Ultimate awesome nerd phone?

If there was only a way to do this in real life. :D

All you need to be a zombie for Halloween, a color printer and tape!

Best idea for tattoo evers? Maybe! Also, could be very awesome stencils for pumpkin or cake decorating.

Epic Dump.

Quick thing.. have you ever had an experience with someone that when they come up to you and babble about god knows what, you sit there nicely and try to act interested.. but then when you try to be nice and chit chat with them.. they act like you are totally inconveniencing them with your presence? I have.


 Let's do this!
I <3 Librarians!
But not this one because he is creepy!

WTF JAPAN! There is robot that kills hornets.

Chupacabras are just mangy coyotes.

So, the other day I was talking to my sister on my cellphone. We were both tired because it was 2:30 AM. I was at work and she was at the hospital trying not to have a baby. I made plans with her to go see her tomorrow.. as I was doing this I was trying to find my cellphone. I was going apeshit, because I thought I had lost it somewhere.. I put everything I am doing in my cellphone. It is my brain. It took me 10 minutes of swearing to realize that I was talking on my phone.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME!

I <3 Rollercoaster!


Would you like a chocoBBRRAAAAIIIINNNNSSSSSSS!!!

Is it warm in here.. or is it just years of religious oppression!

He has my vote.

Hmm, it would rock..but I don't think that this is true ..beep beep boop boop coo neither does R2.

I think I know who this is, I would be sure of it, but I saw him a couple of days ago.

The next plot for a Disney/Pixar movie.

NOT OK!!! However, I am sure that there are some people who find this to be a kink.

Have ever had the urge to consume 4000 calories of gummy?

My friend Josh clued me into this..



WORLD'S LARGEST GUMMY WORM!!!

Here are the specs:

• Dimensions: 26" x 1.5" thick (5" circumference)
• Weight: 3 pounds of gummy deliciousness
• Calories: 4,000
• Handmade in the USA

Also, watch the video!

There is also, for those of you who need more calories.. there is the 12,600 calories WORLD'S LARGEST GUMMY BEAR!!!!

Here are the specs:

• Dimensions: 9" x 5.5" x 3.5"
• Equivalent of 1400 regular-size gummy bears
• Weighs approximately 5 pounds
• 12,600 calories!
• Hand-made in the USA with domestic ingredients
• Gluten-free
• One year shelf life

It also comes on a stick!  However the sticked version isn't as big. Oh well..


Speaking of REALLY LARGE THINGS! Look at this slide show of REALLY LARGE animals that are not usually large! Then after that.. look this slide show of really cute things! (warning.. there is a picture of a monkey riding a pig)



Interesting blog about things organized neatly is pretty neat!

This asshat who worked for NPR said some stupid shit about how he was scared of people who are Muslim wearing "Muslim Garb".. this blog is making fun of said asshat.

There is no longer anymore production of Sony Walkman.. I thought that they stopped making these things in 2000. Apparently not.. and this is news now.
So, in other news, I got a letter from the Canadian Government stating that, I need a letter from the FBI stating that I am not a felon. Then I send that in, and wait more.

I need to talk about my child

So, when one fights crime, one has to do things like work graveyard, then sleep for some sort of time somewhere close then go back to fighting crime at 3 PM. Good thing, there are places where I fight crime that has beds sometimes.. Anyways I did that last night. I am a good hedgie mommy though, I made sure he had clean water, food and snuggles for the night before I went to work.

I just got back from work, I went up to my bathroom, brushed my teeth, washed my face and then proceeded to walk into my room. I noticed that my door was slightly ajar. Which sometimes happens when people throw stuff into my room, they don't close it all the way.. however one of my mom's cats was standing vigil at the door and getting feisty to the other two cats in the house. I walk into the room, flip on the light, notice that the wheel to the hedgehog home was off of the wall, his food dish was scattered everyone his water bottle had been knocked over so it was leaning and Pinny.. standing where my shoe shelf was at the foot of my bed hanging out in a loafer. With that, "oh, hey mom!" look.

I walk over to him, he sweetly huffles as a pick him he crawls up my shoulder and grooms behind my ear. I then fix the cage and give him food and now he is happily munching away.

HOW DID MY HEDGEHOG GET OUT OF HIS CAGE!?!?!?! I know that he can't climb that well. I know that there are times however that he can, when determined, find away out of anything. This was a talent of his since the night we brought him home. We had a bin that we were pretty sure he couldn't get out of. We put a small thing of food and a small thing of water in it and then went to bed. The next morning.. we woke up to no hedgehog in the tub. We searched the house and found him asleep under a very large junk pile in the basement of the house we were living in.

 I just don't even know how he does this. Anyways, I am glad that he is safe. Also, MAD PROPS to the Mainecoon my mom owns, for being totally possessive of him. It is funny, non of the cats in the house feel the need to mess with him, but apparently, Pincushion is Justice's hedgehog. Ok, I am going to pass out now.

Also, watch this video. This is like.. the owners manual for a hedgehog.

:D Oh Steve Martin :D

I didn't make it

Last night I wanted to stay up until 4 so I could fight crime tonight.. however.. I didn't make it. I totally passed out at like 2 Am.

So.. Good morning.

Some good stuff has happened so far today.

The Guggenheim opened it's YouTube Exhibit, Huffington Post was kind enough to give us the top 25. YAY! Die Antwoord made it on there. As well, as a really awesome rap video made with images from the Disney, Alice in Wonderland cartoon.

Do you want to be gay, get married and adopt kids? Well, Jack, this is America, so you have to do it via Fable III.

Have you ever wanted a use for a restaurant storage tub besides.. well food storage? Well fear not.. STORM TROOPER HELMET!

My Birthday is coming up 12/12... Buy this for me :D

I have a feeling that when I am old.. and therefor so will my Canadian husband.. He will sound like this.

So, here is the deal. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE COMPARE PEOPLE TO HITLER! I get all sorts of fucking pissed the hell off. Thank You John Stewart, you are my other husband.

I think that this is great.. however, You don't need to pay 20,000 to have Chris Rock curse out your ex, I can do it for 30$ You could also use, idump4u.com to break up with them.

Oh Nerfherder.. Oh Olivia Munn.. Sigh.


Speaking of hot nerd girls. Meme Pizza!


And of course.. Molly :D IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!


Make this for me!

grrr.. Now I am hungry. I am going to go get hygiene and sustenance. <3 Anne

I am trying to stay up late so I can do late night "crime fighting" tomorrow night

Lames!

So, lets do some high quality interwebs shall we.

Weird.. Gross.. Funny.. Cool.. hmmmmm lets see.. I will try to organize this so that the last article I post is ALL! Lets see if I can do it.

Cool, the President ate a donut at my local my local donut shop today.

I am beyond fucking jealous of this family. I have always, since I was a little girl wanted to live in this apartment.

Coolest nerd superhero of the year award goes to this Boeing engineer who saved a man by the power of physics and letting him reared end his car while he slowed down.

Dear Sam Raimi, I would like this remake to be much like Drag Me To Hell and not like Spider Man 3.

I only have one question.. will there be ALIEN sex.. and if there is.. can I watch?

Maybe, this is what Sarah Palin meant when she said that humans and dinosaurs coexisted.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Oh Japan, you are sooo funny with your weird crab vending machines.. WAIT WHAT THIS IS IN CHINA!!???

Gil Grissom would be soo proud :D ~ ~~~~ ~~ ~ ~ ~


And we go our weird gross funny cool link. I told you I could do it.

Best Marriage Ever!

So, when you are living in a different country as your loved one, you have to spend a lot of time on webcam. Today, my husband and I got bored and well.....

HELLO! WE ARE THE THUMBKINS

MY NAME IS BLINKSO

AND I AM HENRI

WE THINK ANNE LOOKS BAD, WE ARE GOING TO COVER HER FACE

GET OUT OF ZE WAY ANNE

ANNE, YOU SMELL LIKE ROTTING BUTTER

GET OUT OF ZE WAY BLINKSO, NOOO YOU GET OUT OF THE WAY HENRI

UP MY NOSE NOW YOU ASSHAT

YOU TOO BUTTPLUG

THEN I EAT YOU

MMMMM

HHHMMMM

OOOEEEYYYYOOOO, TOEY YOU ARE PHOTOBOMBING ME

HMMM???

THERE THERE, WHAT A NICE TOE

*PANT PANT PANT

HI! ANNE

Matt Got Vajazzloped

Super Awesome News Day!

First off, Happy Purple Day! I am wearing purple, you should be wearing it to. If you are not, PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE EYE! Wearing Purple yet?

I would like to say that awareness is important. This ad would like you to be aware that if you don't have arms, you can still be an lingerie model ( she actually has a prettier face than the girl with arms.)

Speaking of awareness.. I am aware that the editor of Vogue Nippon ( Japan) is FUGLY! Dear god kill it!

Did you know that today is also, uncouth, untalented rap mogul making an ass of himself by telling a chef to "SHAVE THAT BITCH ONTO MY FOOD"  day?

Other tasty things are happening, do you know how to get rid of an invasive species? Like the Humbolt Squid and the Lion Fish? EAT THEM!

mmmm Old English is the shittiest   tastiest beer evers.
I would also like to see a world powered on, actually powered on coffee batteries!

Did you know that not only do cats, dogs, humans, dolphins, monkeys, apes and hedgehogs play.. but so do turtles and wasps!

AWESOME LIST OF AWESOME THINGS TRYING TO AWESOMELY KILL EACH OTHER!!! ( Octopus vs. Shark)

Speaking of killer things that are scary.. I am going to have a nightmare about this fish.. I SWEARS TO YOU I WILL!!

However, this fish.. isn't as scary as this cat! I own a half mainecoon, they are too smart for their own good, and they like sauerkraut!

 This guy is a moron! A MORON!! Really? You deserve to be dieing of mercury poisoning..

However, if you have cancer and are going through treatment.. please don't give me cancer that would suck.

Coolest old man ever!

This is an interesting way to detect people who steal.. spray them with tracking DNA spray.

Speaking of spray, sorry AXE your shitty spray will never beat Old Spice NEVER, not even if you have a witty billboard insinuating that men who use Old Spice fuck horses.

Who wants a super cool bowling robot! I DO I DO !!

Do you want to know the OLDEST THING EVER!! It is a galaxy that has been around for 13.1 BILLION years!

I live in Seattle, so underground cities/tunnel are only kind of impressive. It is ok Salem.

Escaping from work

Have you ever wanted pie and cake and couldn't make up your mind and then also didnt want to look like a pigger eating both? Well, here, have a slice of Pumpple

I also really like meatloaf.. I like mummies as well.. MMMMMUUUUMMMMYYYYLLLOOOOAAAFFFF!!!!

Every wanted to eat jello eyeballs?

Dear people who make movies.. DO NOT REMAKE THIS MOVIE!!! I will not have antici.....pation for it.

Awesome/Creepy robot dancing girls!

My Birthday is coming up 12/12.. you can also buy this for me :D

Oh man, I should get out of bed....

... however in bed is where I do my best interwebs. Soon, I will get out of bed, achieve hygiene and sustenance and then "work".

A lot of good things happening right now. First off, I want to thank the humans who read my bloggy wog. You get extra points if you comment.

My birthday is coming up.. and you really want to buy me this .

I have said this before and I will say it again, people remove your penis replacement iPhone from your hands. This guy, lost his iPhone and because he needs an APPendectemy got his wife preggers because apparently there isn't an app for PUT ON A FUCKING CONDOM SHIT HEAD!

Hopefully, these status seeking retards can find their way onto the interwebs and learn from this helpful book/website/dvd combo about how to scientifically raise their larva. When I have larva, I will use this method as well :D

JAPAN IS NEAT!

They have cool manhole covers!

BESTEST FLOW CHART TODAY! It is a flow chart about RPG games from Japan are set up.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 !!!

So, the funky awesome classic Sesame Street cartoon that has taught me how to count up to the number 12.. has been replaced with some claymations. What do you think?

Wow, You just BLEW MY MINDS!!

Science is so neat! 
So are optical illusions!

Some very special specialness

Last post was super serious. Here is some not so super serious.


President Obama is a NERD.

T. Rex Was A Cannibal! 

Oh, soooo funny. You go to an Ivy League College.. TAKE A FUCKING SHOWER!!

And, Homer is a Catholic! Who knew!?

Bully

I am dedicating this post to Bullies. Here is the deal, I am not nor have I ever been "normal". I was raised by a coven of witches, my parents are in a polyamorous open marriage. I was raised in a communal setting. I have never been in a situation where I could be considered middle class, I have been poor all of my life.

 When I was younger, we lived in low income housing where I was the only white kid in the neighborhood, people thought that my parents and therefore I, was a Satanist. I remembering having daily, the shit kicked out of me by the local kids because of this. It doesn't help that my little brother was undiagnosed autistic and we couldn't keep clothing on him, or him in the house. He would run around the neighborhood naked growling like a dog because he thought he was a dog. I was a round kid so I was called fat. I was too smart for my own good so I knew how to talk shit... however I was 6, so it meant that I would talk shit to 11 year olds and they would beat the shit out of me.

My mom wanted me to be able to defend myself so she asked my uncle to teach me self defense, she also said that if I got into a fight that I needed to beat the shit out of kids who started it and then she would clean up the mess. She did, every time. At school, when kids would gang up on me, and hit me and push me and pull my hair.. I would start fighting. I would throw all the punches, bite all of the arms, throw hand fulls of rocks and bark, spit, kick, scratch. I had a cast once, and this one OLDER  kid started fucking with me for no reason, I told him to stop and he pushed me to the ground and started to put dirt in my face. I backhanded him the face with my cast. I BROKE HIS FUCKING FACE!! Then ran like hell to the nearest teacher. He ran after me, face all busted, he lost 5 teeth. When we got to the teacher, the teacher looked at me, looked at the kid, and said, Anne, go to class and tell the teacher that you need to go to the office and tell the principle what happened. The kid who attacked me, went to the nurse. When I went to the principle's office and told him, he pulled out my "file". This was every incident of bullying that had happened to me. Do you know why he had a "file" because I would go home and tell my mom. She would then go and raise fucking hell at the school. I told him what happened, he then had be draw a picture.

The boy who attacked me was out of school for 3 months. Why was this, because he had to get his face put back together. He was also suspended for those 3 months. When he got back to school, the principle assigned him to be my reading buddy. I was in Kindergarten and he was a 5th grader. The school guidance councilor told us that, there was no reason to be mean to each other. So, we needed to help each other out instead. I remember by the end of the year, I adored him. He actually started walking me home everyday after school. I am pretty sure now, that his parents totally didn't know that he was being a total fucking asshole, and once the found out that he was, made him pray to jesus every day for forgiveness.

I was kind of lucky, because scenarios would happen like this for the rest of my life. I would meet someone, for one reason or another they would not like me and bully me, I would then kick their ass ( as I got older, it was more mentally and emotionally) and then we would be friends. However, this is not the case for most people. My husband was tormented on a daily basis for most of his life. His parents told him to just ignore it. This is not they way to be. Because of this, he has issues with feeling like no one listens to him. He feels disenfranchised.This also means that, when he gets angry about not feeling listened to, it is not just angry, it is HULK SMASH ANGRY!! We have worked on this as a couple though. I was raised in a you deal with the bullies, I will clean up your mess mentality.  Do not ignore bullies, beat the shit out of bullies. Bullies are too stupid to understand philosophy and right actions.  Now, whenever I don't listen to him he tells me and then I listen. When I have kids, you bet that if someone is picking on them, they will lay the asshole flat and I will be there to clean up the mess. 

I would also like to put out there, if my kid bullies another kid, there will be no end to their suffering. I will nip that shit in the bud. There will be no excuse. There will be no justifying my kids actions. My kid will be a direct reflection on how I treat others. I am the kind of person who calls it like I see it. I try not to bully (however, I am catty by nature, so sometimes it happens. I usually get called out on it though.) If my kid bullies, it means that I taught them to bully though. It means that I have let this happen. It also means that I have not taught my kid better ways to show their emotions. Parents who let their kids be fucking assholes to other kids, probably have not told their kid to draw what makes them angry or upset and then draw a dinosaur eating it. They probably haven't set up a protocol for expressing rage through appropriate physical expulsion( beating the shit out of a tree with a plastic bat.)

Hate begets hate. Love breeds love. Apathy makes the apathetic. You should teach your children to be good people. Give homeless people your leftovers. Donate money/time/blood/clothing/food. Stand up for those who can't. March in protests with your children. Go to the festivals with them that support different lives and really celebrate along with your fellow human.

Ok, I am off my soap box now. Here is some important link dumpage.

Kids Can Be Total Fucking Assholes

It Gets Better Project

Stop Bullying Now For Kids

Stop Bullying Now For Adults

Bum Fight!

I was late to work today because there was a bum fight on the bus. I should have taken pictures but I was trying not to puke on them from their hobo stench. So, I drew a picture.

Lets see, What a big fucking baby! I know, there are some of you out there who will defend this asshat because "he was doing his job." So were the Nazi's. You might also say that, he is correct that if a bubble touches him, it is assault of an officer, yes, well.. if someone pokes me on the shoulder to get my attentions it is also assault of an Anne. He is a douchebag.

Apparently, not only do girls who are raped are actually girls who have one night stand buyers remorse.. but you can also choose to be gay. Well that is what Ken Buck who is a Senate seat candidate from Colorado says. I think that you can also choose to be a bigoted fuckwit, with no compassion or respect for humans.

I am done being angry, it is time to watch me some Buffy/Angel and look at The BEST SCIENCE WEBSITE EVERS!

Interesting news

What do you mean I can not drink this beer while reporting the news?

The Safety Dance.. Literally


They are natures ninjas, of course they are highly organized and like to vandalize cars!
*** UPADTE as of 10/20/10 Bunnies ( Natures IRA style demolition commando) do it too!
Om nom nom nom bacon is meat candy nom nom nom

Best part of this article is the music video for Spider Goat!

Salamanders!

What! I have "fans"?

So, I kind of check my stats on this thing more than I should. It is because I am full of myself. However, today I checked and there are people looking at this thing who.. I do not know.

 

Let me break it down, I have most of my fan base in the US, that make sense most of my friends are in the US.  Then there is Canada, this is my husband and 2-3 other friends. The person in South Korea is my childhood friend KB and her boyfriend who are living there and teaching English. Then.. there is someone(s) who are looking at my blog from Germany ( Gutentag!) and Australia (G'day Mate!). Who are you people!? I want to be friends.
It is also interesting what people use to access my blog. What is Flock? Is my mom the only person who uses Unix/Linux to look at my blog? Who owns an iPad?
These are very important questions that need to be answered.

Watch this video of a pudding ad from Japan and try not to get it stuck in your head!

FCKH8

Good Grief!

Dude! Fuck you Greyhound. Using your services is like repeatedly beating yourself in the face with an urchin! Why can't your shit ever, EVER, be on time.

So, here is some back story. I am married to a Canadian, we decided last year that we wanted to have larva. It is cheaper to have larva in Canada than in the US. So, we did the research and found out that you can get your spouse ok'd to move up there, get health care and have a job, if you are willing to live in torment for 6 months to a year apart from each other while they shuffle pieces of paper from one point to another and 2000$.I now live in a room in my mom's house rent free while I "fight crime" for a living and my husband rents out a room in a basement apartment type deal with 2 other "bachelors". About every month, sometimes 2 times a month, I take the 4 hour bus ride from Seattle to Vancouver. I usually take the 10 PM bus, sleep most of the way there, then get to Vancouver at 2 AM, take a cab and then text my husband until he wakes up and opens the door to the apartment. I then get to spend 1-2 nights sleeping either on an air mattress on the floor which either is super cold or super sweaty or not blown up enough.... OR..... a single bed, in an odd pretzel like situation usually imitating what it would look like if a Great Dane and a Corgi had to share a medium sized dog bed.

It is usually worth it because well, I love him. I get to see him, watch movies, eat sushi and do other things that people who are coupled do. However, the last two times I have gone up there... it has been fucking hell! Here, read my letter to customer service:

Dear Greyhound Customer Service,

I am currently sitting here at the Seattle station. It is 10:17 PM on Thursday October 13th 2010, I have been told that the bus that I was going to take
up to Canada isn't going to be going to Canada. This will be the second time this has happened in two weeks, the last time was Tuesday September 21st 2010.

This time, we are being told that even though there were 17 buses in the garage, all of them are unable to be used because they are all so poorly maintained that they are falling apart.

Last time this happened, I was told that a bus driver had a heart attack and so they had to take the bus that was going to take me up to Canada to rescue all the people that was left stranded in Vancouver, WA and they needed to find another driver to take the route.

Also, when I went up to the counter to see how we could be compensated, we were told, "refund or nothing" both times, meaning I could get a refund and not go to Canada or just sit here next to a crack head and a guy who smells like urine and rotten butter, which is complete bull!


I know that you offer coupons to people who are going from New York To Montreal.
My email gets spammed by you quite enough, offering me a discount to any place imaginable on the east coast. Seriously, I need a discount.

You have also, upped your prices from 49.50 to 52. Really, this is quite insane, unless you can tell me that the extra 3$ is going to magically make it so that in the next two weeks when I make this trip again, this won't happen?

I take Greyhound, every other week. It is the way I prefer to travel. I like that I can pay 50$ and then sleep for four hours. I WILL FIND OTHER WAYS TO GET UP NORTH! If this is not dealt with, you will lose 100$ a month, that is 1200$ a year. That is just from the commute that I do. I also take the Greyhound to and from Olympia and Portland, I go to Olympia every 2 monthish, So that would be 150.

My trips to Portland are twice a year, which is another 100$. All in all, 1450$ that at this moment, I don't think you deserve. You need to earn my business back.

I really would like to stay a loyal patron, but leaving 26 people stranded in Seattle, is completely unacceptable.

Sincerely
Me

P.S.Also, you need to be posting that our bags and persons will be searched if we are waiting in the station after 10 PM.

So, there we go. I am just kinda over being beaten up by transportation. For the record, the first time our bus left Seattle at 12 AM I got in a 4 AM... the second time.. THE BUS DIDN'T GET US UNTIL 1:45 AM, I didn't get into Canada until 5 AM!!!!

nerd dump

Super Nerd Time!

Bestest Flow Chart Evers


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I think that when I am 61.. I am going to end up like this broad.

I am pretty sure that when I grow up, I am going to be a crabby old lady. The type who tells kids to get off their lawn, keeps toys and baseball that have been thrown in to my garden. I will make faces at babies in hopes that they will cry and I will pinch the shit out of my grandkids cheeks. I will wear track suits, die my hair blue and wear fuchsia lipstick.. on my teeth! Then I will get all fuckin' cooky pants!

My Birthday is 12/12.. buy this for me!

Hardcore Japanese Pussy Eating ( It is work safe.. I promise!)

My Other Husband, Mathew Barney had a video game level dedicated to him!

I wear rainbow pants

I think that I have an addiction to tiny sandwiches made with rosemary rolls and some version of pork roast covered in a sauce. The coffee shop that is located under the hotel " Secret place where I fight crime", is a Hawaiian themed place. The proprietor of it is a middle aged man with glasses and an impressive array of Hawaiian shirts. He is also a travel agent.. he only books stuff going to, staying on and going from Hawaii.. He has this thing called a Kalua Pork Slider.. it is roasted pork that it is shredded, bbq sauce that has mango in it, and a rosemary roll.. They are sooooooooo, good. Last night, my mom ( 1 of 3, long story someday may go into it, she is not the one that is like Aughra from Dark Crystal) made sour kraut pork. This morning, I woke up, put on my rainbow striped pajama pants and my I <3 Dinos T-shirt and got a rosemary roll, toasted it, took some of the kraut and heated it up in the microwave, slapped them together and BAMS! Deeeelicious!

Who Likes Whales!?




Who Likes Elephants!?


Who Likes Techno/Trip-hop Music made from splicing together Disney movies!?



Also, there is guy in Scotland who likes to invent awesome instruments like the kazookeylele. He plays classic rocks songs on them and then posts them up on YouTube. Last year for my husbands birthday, I tortured him by playing different versions of THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!!!! This guys version was the best!

Ok, I am off to go pack, go to work then go to Canada.

It sure is hard "fighting crime"

I managed to get a 4 hour power nap in.

Maybe if I had a pig penis McRib sandwich, I would have slept better.  There is some interesting news today, The Gap, realized that their re-branding sucked so bad, that they went back to their old logo. This makes me kinda sad, because I think that there was a potential internet meme out there.

Linguist "discovered" a new language in Northern India. That part of the world has many dialects of Hindi and other Asian and Middle Eastern language. There are a lot of people who are really interested in preserving languages that may become extinct. This actually reminds me of this story I read about in high school where they found remote villages in parts of Russia, where they crossed themselves with 3 fingers instead of 2.

Semi cool article about how Sir Isaac Newton was an alchemist. This is not news to me, I knew this since I was 4. Mostly because, my mother is an alchemist.. and a feminist. She would complain about how male alchemist were just bored men who were trying to make a big deal out the science that midwives, apothecaries, and dye makers did every day out of necessity to support their families during medieval times. If I can get her to get me copy of her research paper about it I will put it up. My mom is kinda like Aughra from the Dark Crystal.  In theory they are making a sequel, I would like to this to come out before I die of old age and look like Aughra.


In about a year and half I will have been married for 5 years. This is kind of a big deal.. I think that I may have found a great idea for a vow renewal party. I will eat for 36 hours straight. 

Well, I guess I will go back to "fighting crime".

<3 Anne

Stupid Insomnia

I am supposed to be up in 4 hrs, however I can't sleep. This is upsetting to me. I would really like to sleep. Oh well, guess this means that I will fill the internets with random shit :D

So, Uh.. I really want some pancakes.

There is really awesome band from South Africa called Die Antwoord, they are kind of a big deal. Anyways, they have an album that released 46 minutes ago and the main creative force of the band, Ninja, hacked his own Amazon product description. IT IS FOKKIN SWEET! *** Has since been removed by Amazon because they don't have a since of humor***

Cool interactive collection of stories from chefs who show off their heinous scars.

I have dispatched my friends in South Korea to go off and fetch me this elephant.

I would also, like to have one these cocktails with my cool 3D pancakes.

Ok, off to drink some milk and take more headache pills, and pretend to rest.

Could it be.. SATAN!!!!?????

SATAN!!!!!!!!! loves him some pilaf. Alister Crowley, was not only the Prince of Darkness, but apparently was also a snappy cooking playa. Over at Dangerous Minds, they uncovered this UNHOLY PILAF RECIPE.

It is ok though, because you can eat pilaf, in the DEVIL ALTERNATE TECHNOREALITY!!!!! that The Pope is against. Hello, The Pope.. you are like 15 years too late in being worried about this.. haven't you heard about the guy who married his virtual girlfriend or the people who die of malnutrition because they spend all of their time playing Starcraft in North Korea???

Speaking of Technoreality, who wants to buy parts of Detroit( Satan's Butt Divet) for 1$ an inch? This is actually pretty cool. I can't be too much of a jerk about this. The idea is that you can buy into a MicroHood. Then via the Interwebs, you can nurture it, meet your neighbors and then find out about cool stuff that happens in the MicroHood.

I am all about this, unfortunately, I don't live in NYC. People who do, you should support this, GIANT DINOSAUR STATUES IN CENTRAL PARK!! It would be cool, though, if they came alive at night and ate all the hobos.

You know who is going to be extinct if he doesn't get to a hospital in the next 48 hours, this guy. Apparently, a nurse in UK who was also a human guinea pig was injected with malaria and then failed to come back to work to get treatment and finish the testing. If he doesn't get his butt to a Dr. soon, he is going to look like well...

Then when they find this bloke dead.. they can use civilian CSI agents to collect evidence, take pictures and scream YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! 
or he is really the start of the zombie apocalypse!

Morning Quikie, Thanks BoingBoing!

The folks over at BoingBoing.net are THE BEST!

This morning.. Just before I have to go to work fighting crime ( A TOTAL LIE ) I have had my life changed.


STOP LOOKIN' AT MY MOMS! A well produced hiphop song about men meat muggin' on young urban single moms.

Then.. there is this! An armless man who plays the piano and does a decent James Blunt impersonation wins China Has Talent.

I was pretty sure that the Staypuft Marshmallow Man was all goo inside, but this diagram says otherwise.

Moral Dilemma

I was asked by a friend today, hey have you seen our co-workers question of the day? Why no, I said, what is it.. " ‎... If you HAD to banish one movie from existence, which would it be: "Neverending Story" or "Labyrinth"? Discuss." I almost cried... really ALMOST CRIED! It is giving me a heart attack as I write it. We came up with the same answer.. I want to know what yours is? Comment Below!*** Read my answer at the bottom of the entry! ****

It is time for me to archive some stuff that I have kickin around from the last week. This will clear out space in my neato spread sheet. Yes I organize the stuff I put up.

First off  BAM! JAMES FRANCO IN DRAG! Thank you to the good people at Huffington Post, I am glad that your mission and mine sometimes are the same.

And now for some Creepy Cool!

I want to get rid of my body in an eco friendly way. Unfortunately, most places have laws making it illegal for me to have my unaltered body dumped in the woods or if I were in Mongolia out in the steppe where animals can eat me. But NOOOOOOO, I live in anglo western culture where they think that it is a bad thing. So, my options are be embalmed ( gross as hell) or cremation.  "When I am dead, cremate me." is the famous words on John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensbury, who was not only someone who invented rules for boxing, was a total asshole git wanker who single-handedly lead to the ruin of Oscar Wilde.  Despite this, it is the preferred method of getting rid of a body, for most of the world. However, this leads to some pesky issues, like, it completely screws up the ozone layer with ashy, carbony, deathy goodness. Well, fear not lambs, eco-friendly chemical Aquamation can be yours!


Do you like stuff made of bone? I do. You should watch this clip about bone jewelery made in Africa.. they actually do to the cow bones what the good people from the link above do to dead people!

Since this is October, lets talk about creepy cool, spooky, steampunky, statuary with religious iconography shall we. Chris Cooksey, you are neat!


Creepy Cool Over and Out!


Now for a taste of Pop Culture.


I spend more time on 4chan than I should. It rots your brains I tells ya. Anywhos, I also spend alot of time on MEME sites lolzing all over da place! I think that it is important to Know Your Meme! This weeks episode is a well known Meme it is soooo well known, that its power is OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!.

Speaking of OVER 9000!!!!!! This site allows you to download an app for your iPhone (read status symbol) where you can have EPIC SOUND FXS! punctuating your conversations. Imagine it, you are super witty, your friends are shocked, you whip out your penis replacement iPhone and add a Bazinga! to it.

* My Answer to the Moral Dilemma Is:
Neverending Story. Which I am seeing as the "Song That Never Ends" of 80's fantasy movies. Also, without this movie, we are only missing Jamal from Kajagoogoo singing the theme song, versus an entire album of David Bowie. Furthermore, the child actors in Neverending Story, GAH! There are 3 of them, versus the 1 Jennifer Connolly. They still, can not beat her. * writing this however makes me sick to my stomach because they are both childhood mana*

Happy 10/10/10 !!!

It is the morning.. I am not a happy Anne. I worked late last night fighting crime ( not really, but it is far more entertaining than my actual job).. then the person who "fights crime" in the morning called off sick last night so I got to sleep at the place where crime is fought,  then wake up butt assed early, to do a double crime fighting shift.

I watched Valley of the Dolls last night.. and well here we go..

Neely O'Hara: "To get up at five o'clock in the morning and sparkle, have I, Neely, sparkle!"  Yes, hmmm.

And also..

Neely O'Hara:  Who hiding from are you, Helen, hmm?  The notices could have been that bad not. 
Helen Lawson:  The show just needs a little fine tuning. 
Neely O'Hara:   Worry, do not, sweetheart. If always get a part as understudy for my grandmother I the show folds can. 
Helen Lawson:  Thanks.  I already turned down the part, playing, you are.
Neely O'Hara:  Bull!  That crazy merrick is not. 
Helen Lawson:  You oughta know, honey, of the nuthouse you just came out. 
Neely O'Hara:   Nuthouse it was not! 
Helen Lawson:  Look.  You right outta hollywood they drummed! So crawlin' back to broadway, you come.  Well, broadway gos not for booze and dope.  Now, outta my way, you get, guy waitin' for me, I got. 
Neely O'Hara:   Switch from the fags you are usually stuck with, that is! 
Helen Lawson:  To marry one at least I never had! 
Neely O'Hara:   Take back you will... 
[pulls off helen's wig while scuffling]. 
Neely O'Hara:   ...  My god oh, wig, it is!  As phony as she is her hair's! 

That was Yoda, doing a dramatic reading from Valley of the Dolls by Jacqueline Susann

There is a lot of interesting things happening today. First off!

HAPPY 10/10/10!!!  so long and thanks for all the fish!

Adding to the geekery, over at my other husband, Wil Wheaton's Blog, Can one have too many dice?

The Answer Is: NO

This needs to be turned into a odd Michel Gondry type movie.. where the twin astronauts who arm wrestle in space are played by Mos Def and Jack Black.


! No, really it would just be like the plot to Moon!
Liddle Bruddah.. he is such a trooper! This sea lion is my second favorite Sgt. after Sgt. Pepper!

OoOOoooo Look Kitty! Cute baby cougar was born.

OMG, WTF, I don't even!  Best part is actually the headline..

Man falls in river chasing one-legged goose. Yes, the man was drinking.

also in the OMG, WTF, I don't even, Justin Beiber.. is selling his own brand of NAIL POLISH!!!

I just can't deal anymore.. Here, look at these women shooting rifles!

This girl might be a hero of mine!

I have some self esteem issues. Who doesn't, however, this girl makes me love that I am short, fat and ugly .

Jenna Mourey, thank you for being a self deprecating nerdy hot chick.  I think you are super nifty. I am not being sarcastic, I have a girl crush on you. You do actually have a smokin' bod and are funny. There needs to me more of you. Thank you for telling me how to write a GaGa song. I am tempted to actually put some effort in working out..

Watch this interview

Watch her dance around in her underwear ( I do this every night.. but I am not hot like her so I don't put it out on the interwebs.)